Chapter 2

A continuation of our saga from last month. If you missed the first chapter, you can read it here.

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 “He’s gone!”, Detective Olivieri said as she burst through the front door of their home in Horace, North Dakota.

 It was Wednesday, Detective Olivieri had just gotten done with her shift at the Fargo Police Department to find her lazy ass husband half asleep on the couch looking at cartoons on his phone. ‘Anime’ he calls it. Waste of time if you ask me, he should be mowing the lawn or getting thing ready in the soup trailer.

 An Orange cat lays next to him, Taco, apparently enjoying the lazy afternoon, Two peas in a pod, she thinks. From overhead she hears a growl. That would be Beav, short for Beaver the ornery cat that terrorizes anyone who visits and gnaws on anything in sight.

“Who’s gone?” he replies.

“The Hater! Someone posted his bail and he just disappeared! Now he’ll never be brought to justice for all the atrocities he has committed on dogs.”

“You want to talk about atrocities, I ran out of beer today, had to go down to the Walmart and buy my own cube!”

The detective then goes to the fridge, pulls out a day-old Cheesy Sasquatch left over the last weekend’s trailer sales and warms it up in the microwave. “What happened to all the aluminum cans in the garage?”, she asks. “Took them into the recycler and cashed them all in, and don’t be asking me for no money, I done already spent it”.

Same old story, rather than arguing with him, she goes into the bedroom and starts a bath. She then heads off to bed, leaving him on the couch.

Meanwhile, just miles away a dark figure is hiding in the bushes near a popular dog park. He takes careful aim at what looks to be a mini-dachshund and fires. The little guy squeals as the hidden figure chuckles and reloads his weapon.

 Detective Olivieri  is greeted the next morning by Chief Roche. He is wearing a coffee-stained Oilers jersey. “Who are the Oilers playing tonight?” asks Olivieri. He always wears the damn jersey on game days. So much for professionalism she thinks. “Those damn Canucks” Roche replies. “Those west coasters think they are so much better than us, hell, they would not even be able to function if it wasn’t for the oil we pump in their direction”. 

Just then, Roche’s wife Leslie bops into the office carrying a brown paper bag with Roche’s name on it. “You forgot your lunch again this morning Dear”, she says. Her pigtailed hair bouncing as she bounces in wearing her usual attire. Short shorts and an Oilers halter top. A cross between Daisy Duke and Betty Crocker, Leslie is always doting on Roche. “I made you your favorite; a peanut butter sandwich and a can of Rig-hand Red”.

 It made Olivieri sick how Leslie waits on Roche hand and foot, making him breakfast, lunch and supper every day. But she can almost see why she does it, he is a big hunk of man, and her mind wanders every time she sees him. If her husband, Dino, showed the smallest amount of ambition, she too might dote over him a little more. But the only ambition he can muster is reaching his grotesquely disfigured hand down into the cooler next to the couch. Those hands, she shudders every time she sees them. Then she looks at Chief Roche's hands. So strong, so masculine, her mind starts to wander again. 

 “The Colibaba’s are coming over for the game tonight", Leslie says. "I am making Yorkshire pudding cups”. 

Upon hearing his name, Officer Colibaba comes into the room. “Take that damn Cancucks jersey off”, Roche yells at him. Ignoring him, Colibaba says, “Di received four reports of dogs being shot last night, sounds like The Hater is still in the area”. “Any fatalities?” Olivieri asks. “No, the dogs are all alright, just a little shaken up. He seems to be using some sort of nonlethal weapon”.  

Splitting up, Roche, Colibaba and Olivieri all head over to the various scenes of the shootings.  After thoroughly scouring the scenes, they reconvene back at the department several hours later and compare notes.

Roche starts the meeting by saying "Give me a briefing on what you found". Colibaba goes first "It was easy enough to find where The Hater hid in the bushes. The guy is an ogre of a man, it is hard to miss. Several Yuengling caps laying in the dirt at the site of the shooting". Colibaba then lays out several photos of the scene, his smiling face on every one of them. "Colibaba, how many times do I have to tell you, not to do selfies when photographing evidence?" "I can't help it", he replies, "It is the only way I know how to take pictures."

"Detective, what do you have?" "I took two crime scenes, both pretty much the same, the Yuengling caps and a big depression where The Hater sat before shooting the dogs." "Here's the strange thing", she says, "There were Yuengling caps at the spot where the dogs were hit, my guess is that The Hater is flicking the caps at the dogs as they walk by." "Fits The Haters profile," Roche says "he is a beer snob, and he does come from Pennsylvania."

Roche continued, "My scene was a little different than yours, same M.O., but my scene had Busch Light bottle caps both at the ambush site and where the dog was hit, either The Hater ran out of money and went to bottom shelf beer or he has an accomplice". 

Hearing this Olivieri quickly stated that she had to go, and rushed out of the briefing room, into her squad car, arriving at her home minutes later. No one was home. Something was nagging at her. Something she saw last night but did not register at the time. She tore through the house searching, drawers, under the bed, in the garage, nothing. Then she saw it. The kitchen trash can was empty with a fresh bag in it. He would never do something like that unless he was trying to hide something. She rushed out to the garage and started going through the large garbage can. Ripping open the bag on top, its contents spilled onto the floor. There on the floor, amongst the regular garbage were several Busch Light and Yuengling bottles. Her hand went to her face, and she gasped as she saw the other two items in there. Packages. Empty packages. The outside of them plain as day had the words; Bottle Cap Shooting Gun, Fun for the Whole Family. 

Seeing this, the room started to spin, she was feeling light-headed, then everything went black. 

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That concludes chapter 2. Is Dino really involved in the shootings? Did he team up with The Hater? Stay tuned for the next chapter of our ongoing saga. 

But first, let me introduce you to the cast of characters. The story was inspired by actual events and actual people (and pets).  Many of you do not know the characters of this story. Consider yourself lucky. For the rest of you, who do know them. My condolences. 

First up is Steve, the forensics expert and his lovely wife Dianne, our dispatcher. I will not tell you which part of their story was inspired by actual events, but here is a selfie of them that I recently received. 

Then there are the Roche's. Again, lovely people with a love for all things beer and hockey. As long as it includes the Oilers. First up Barb and Leslie, followed by Chief Roche wearing his game day uniform. 

The Hater and his poor wife Vicki who he left at home while on this cross-country rampage. Those of you who know him, know I speak nothing but the truth in my descriptions of him. He may try to fool you with the fact that he has had dogs all his life and appeared to love them, but do not let that fool you.

Beer snob Harry, showing off and protecting his beer collection. 

Our ever-vigilant Detective Olivieri. Never leaving a stone unturned, she always seeks the truth. Here she is trying to get to the bottom of an appetizer platter. 

Lisa and Barb, back in the day, enjoying a refreshing beverage. 

Beav. Probably the orneriest cat I've ever met. 

Last but not least, Dino, our apparent accomplice in these dastardly deeds. Nothing I write about him is an exaggeration. I have multiple pictures to prove it! This first one includes his cat Taco. Below that one is Dino posing with an anime magazine in a Mexican convenience store. 

These last two pictures further prove my point. Here is Dino at Christmas getting everything he asked Santa for. The next picture is a few hours later. 

10-Year Anniversary!

It was 10 years ago this month (I think, or is it 11?) I was freshly retired, looking for something to fill my time, that I asked the fateful question while duck hunting up here. "If you ever need any help, I'd be happy to help". Oh, how I wish I could take those words back. What followed was 10 years of being up here weeks at a time, being ridiculed at every turn, being blamed for every time something got broke, got stuck or basically went wrong. Never mind the fact that it probably was my fault in the first place. It even got to the point where I could be several states away and it was still my fault. It just is not fair!

What started out as a week or two in the fall has morphed into 5-6 weeks in the spring to help plant and 5-6 weeks in the fall for the harvest. This is indeed my home away from home. In fact, between here and Alaska, I will be away from home more this year than I will be there.  

But this year was going to make all that ridicule worthwhile. As I am sure they have something spectacular planned for this momentous anniversary!  What is the appropriate gift for a 10-year anniversary? A new custom-built tractor? An all-expenses paid moose hunting trip to Alaska? Either would suffice. 

My trip up here was just how I like it, uneventful. The terrain goes from dry prairie of South Dakota, eventually to the farm fields of North Dakota.

Sunflower field

 I left on Wednesday evening. Barb and I drove to Rapid City (separately) to do some last-minute shopping and have lunch with our friends Doug and Lisa, our former neighbors before they moved. One of their favorite restaurants is Everest Cuisine in Rapid. It is near the top of the list of Barb's as well. For me, it is pretty much dang near the bottom. But being the selfless person I am, I went along with a smile on my face. This would be the second time I have ever had Indian food. This first time was a complete disaster resulting in my mouth burning from the one and only bite I had. This time went much better as I requested the 0-spice level of my chicken dish. It was good and I'd eat it again. 

But before I talk about farm stuff, let me talk about our adventures earlier in the week. Sunday, we had Dan, Bonnie, Kevin and Cheryl over for a fishapalooza. Salmon and halibut served several ways. It was all so delicious! Of course we had to play dice games. No one won shake-a-day to the pot continues to grow. 

Something was sure funny when I took this picture!

Cheryl and Bonnie each brought a gift. Cheryl, a fireball sign for the gazebo and Bonnie a raving review on Barb's cooking!

Speaking of cooking, the smoker got a workout this week with Cherry-smoked wings, bacon-wrapped meat loaf and venison summer sausage. 

Wednesday, we woke up to a foggy morning. Quiet, cool and foggy. A perfect morning just to sit and watch, really nothing at all. 

I checked the trail cameras before I left. Nothing too new, but some cute pictures of the fawns drinking water. A family flock of turkeys are in the area as well and we did have two mule deer bucks make their first appearance as well. 

Speaking of critters, one day we were driving down the road and just had to stop and take a picture of these two cuties!

What has Barb been up to? Well, she finished two of her projects. Both with the redwood shelves. The first were a couple of scrap pieces (24"x8") which she made into shelves in the laundry room. Both are adorned by gifts our niece Alana gave us. A ceramic French Bulldog and a picture of Alana and Barb holding the pups. 

The second project was three shelves for my vintage duck decoys. Apparently having old decoys scattered around the house (living room, bedroom, kitchen stair landing and loft) are not Barb's thing so she built these shelves so they could all be together! Well, that is not all of them, only about 1/2, but she has consolidated them. 

Oh, I almost forgot! Barb did one more thing this week. She helped Kevin pour more concrete! He called the other day and asked if she would help him the next day. I think "I'd love nothing more!" was her response. Not a huge pour but one that definitely benefited from having and extra set of hands on site. 

Now, back to the farm.....

I am three days into this year's harvest season. (Those days were 12 hours, 14 hours and 16 hours) A typical day looks like this..... We start sometime between 7 and 8 getting things ready for the day; fueling tractors/combines, emptying trucks from the night before, fixing things, moving grain. We cannot start combining until the crops dry out from the dew/rain from the night before. Below are Chris and Farmer discussing the crop moisture in the wheat to see if we are ready to start harvesting and Chris and his dad replacing a motor on the pivot.

This is the view from on top of the combine. The service truck below carries over 400 gallons of fuel and that tank in the back is several hundred gallons of DEF.

We typically cannot get into the field until after 12:00pm, sometimes 4pm, depending on the weather and how the sun/wind dries the crops. Once we get into the field, there are three jobs; combine driver, cart driver and semi driver. So far, I have only driven semi. My responsibility is to pick up the semi in the field once the cart driver (Bob S.) fills them. 

I then drive to the farm, back up to the auger and unload the grain from the truck into a bin. A typical turn for me is one hour from field to farm to field, assuming nothing goes wrong. By the time I get back, the next truck is full and waiting for me and I switch trucks and do it all over again. So, my view from the office every day is basically this....

Of course, sometimes we do the opposite; take from the bin and put it into the truck, or dump straight from the combine into the truck. 

Speaking of things going wrong. Do you notice anything unusual about the picture of this combine?

Yup, the rear wheel fell right off! Apparently, it is a known issue, and Case was supposed to come out and fix it but had not done it yet. So, we were down one combine for an afternoon. Farmer drove to Mandan that night for parts and they had it back up and running the next day. 

Such is life on the farm. It is not a matter of if something will go wrong, it is a matter of when and what it will be. So far, I have dodged the bullet on anything happening to be, but most of you know my track record, so stay tuned to see exactly what it will be!

Oh, What a Week it Was!

Have you ever had Trigger Finger? No, I am not talking about the approach of fall when hunters like me get itchy to get out in the woods. I am talking about the medical condition where your finger gets stuck bent in one place and then snaps straight like a rubber band. I have had trigger pinky for about two weeks now, so weird. Not painful, just weird. What concerns me most is what I read about this condition on the internet. This condition is most common in women over 50. What the hell? I am now a woman over 50? Does this mean I have to change my driver's license to Jamie instead of James?  Does it mean I can now compete in the "Women over 50" category in my next marathon? Who am I kidding? This old guy (or gal?) ain't running any marathon!

At any rate I sit here typing this, my right pinky bent 1/2 the time then uncontrollably snapping straight. 

Several of you have asked how Barb's doctor appointments went. She had bloodwork done and an ultrasound. Both were sources of great news and stress relief. For the first time in several tests her white blood cell count was in the "normal" range. Which, if I were to be honest, is probably maybe the only thing "normal" about her. Her ultrasound showed "Nothing concerning". Good news all around, AND, she is feeling much better!

So well in fact that she tackled a couple of big projects around the house. The first was staining the doors on the shed. A project that she had not planned on doing, but Dan (of Dan and Bonnie) had stained their shed doors, and they looked so nice that Barb just had to do it to keep up with the Jones's.

Although it sounds somewhat simple, this was a 10-hour endeavor over 2 days starting with her sanding the doors and then staining them. That wood was so dry, it really soaked up the stain!

A day after that we started on a shelf and table project that she wants to get done while I am gone. Remember these slabs of redwood and pine Barb bought at an auction a few months ago? Well, she thought of a few projects to use them on. 

My job was just to cut them to length and width, then she went to sanding them. What a mess. We have never worked with redwood before and that is one messy, dry wood. The table she is making is on the left below, the shelves on the right. 

What else did we get done? Well, we grouted a section of the stone on the outside. 

It was not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Just tedious, making sure you get grout in every crack and crevice. You use what I refer to as an icing bag but made for grout. We add a dye to the mortar giving it more of a chocolate color. Then mix the mortar to a consistency that allows it to flow easily through the bag. 

Even with the right consistency, your hands cramp up. Once the grout is applied, you need to let it partially dry and then scrape it to the right depth and get the sheen off the grout. 

I disced up a couple of acres for a food plot for the deer. Well, first I mowed it then I disced it, then I seeded it with a yummy clover mix that the deer and turkeys will love, then I dragged it, then I prayed for rain which we never got. That was all a two-day process. Then there were two concrete projects this week. One for Neighbor Jim who is getting a new shed installed in a few weeks. He needed 40x40 footings poured for it. We formed it up this week, augered some holes. Luckily, I mean sadly, I will be gone next week when he pours it.  

Then Kevin had a pour on Friday for a job he is doing. It was Barb, Kevin and I and his son Ryan who is visiting for the weekend. 

About 1/2 of the pour had to be done with wheelbarrows. Barb's job was to fill the wheelbarrows, Ryan and I wheeled and dumped, Kevin smoothed. It made for a much longer pour, but overall, everything went well. Kevin even found a unique way of reaching a spot that needed a little touching up!

Oh! I almost forgot about my niece Alana and Ryan came by last Saturday with their fur babies Sophie and Loki. Loki once again just off a fresh surgery to fix his broken leg. This is surgery 3 or 4, I forget. More pins, they are hopeful this one will do the trick. Loki has a pretty gnarly contraption on his leg and the accompanying cone, so he does not lick it all the time.

Sophie and Zoey had not seen each other all summer so it was pretty chaotic. Impossible to take pictures or videos. They just ran and ran and ran. I was able to take one short video of dogs being dogs. That cone of Loki's must really be a scent collector!

It's not until later when they are all tuckered out that I am able to get some decent pictures. 

Friday night was Queen of Hearts again at the VFW. It was over $16,000 this week. I was in line for our tickets, $10 each, when the guy in front of my buys 1,000 tickets to the tune of $1,000. Now, I get it, it is for a good cause, but $1,000?!? We waited in eager anticipation for our number to be called and when the first few numbers were called, we knew this was not going to be our week. Nor was it Mr. 1,000 Ticketman's week. The woman whose ticket was selected promptly went up to the board and pick.... the 6 of Clubs. Cheers went up everywhere, the game continues!

Our little Lily turned 13 this week! I guess once they are teenagers, we probably should stop calling her little Lily. Forrest, Somer and Lily are still in Tennessee for a few more weeks before they hit the road in search of their next destination. They celebrated her birthday with ziplining and sushi. 

I got a couple of texts a week from Farmer Bob and Chris with harvest updates. They are in full harvesting mode at the farm. I think they are about done with the peas and have moved on to wheat.

Chris texted the other day asking when if I was still on schedule to come up next week and if I was in full relaxation mode in anticipation of all the work up there. My response? I told him that I am "in full getting as much as I can get done around here before heading up to the farm mode". Speaking of which, the next post will be from the farm as I head up there in a few days!

I will leave you with this picture of Zoey standing (sitting) guard. You can find her like this most evenings when we sit outside. She just sits on the edge of the concrete, taking it all in and watching over her domain.